The occasions
on the calendar.

The calendar occasions have a specific problem that birthdays do not: everybody is buying at the same time, from the same displays, for the same relationships. That is why Father's Day is socks and a novelty mug, Mother's Day is flowers and a candle, and Secret Santa is a desk toy nobody keeps past January.

The thinness is worst where the tradition is youngest. Father's Day in particular has almost no gift convention behind it, no religious or seasonal anchor, and the market has filled the gap with merchandise for a stereotype: beer, barbecues, golf, being tired. Some of it will be accurate for any given man and all of it is generic, which is exactly what makes it land flat.

The corrections are the same in each case. Be specific rather than spending more, because a gift that proves attention beats one that proves budget. Organise something rather than buying something, if you can only do one. And for the parent days especially, consider taking work off somebody rather than adding an object to the house, which is the thing most often wanted and least often given.

For the group occasions, Secret Santa and New Year, the useful question is different: it is what fills the awkward stretch. A New Year party is five hours of waiting for sixty seconds, and most hosts plan the countdown and leave the four hours before it to look after themselves.

Where to start